That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
