It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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