Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
