I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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