She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
