Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
