i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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