i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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