We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
