Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret

Fav 4 4007 1248
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(907): View more from Alaska

I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.

Fav 38 9002 1702
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(831): View more from California

I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.

(1-831): View more from California

Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable

Fav 15 3720 916
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(604): View more from British Columbia

The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.

Fav 57 1635 6926
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(410): View more from Maryland

I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out

Fav 12 1470 3788
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(310): View more from California

I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea

Fav 7 2891 1455
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(217): View more from Illinois

Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.

Fav 6 2330 977
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(251): View more from Alabama

Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.

Fav 0 468 736
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(803): View more from South Carolina

I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?

Fav 1 68 26
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