I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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