if i can run in heels then i can drive
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
