Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
