im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
