i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
