pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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