i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
