thus making me awesome and them whores
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
