I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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