dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
