I am spending my child support on dildos
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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