Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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