i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
