Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
