my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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