we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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