Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
