Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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