put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
