Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
