i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
