Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
