Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
