apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
