walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
