She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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