She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
