see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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