I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
