I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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