I must be too annoying 4 u.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
