Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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