Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
