Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
