i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
