Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
