Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
