I showed him my bush... on skype.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
