Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
