I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I am available for nakedness
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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