Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
